Well I just finished my first competition and I was a good master Old Lady. My Daughter took some video of it and I am horrified. I am slow and scared looking out on that ice. This has to stop I have to stop skating scared and whining about how I don't understand what I am doing. Because that's exactly what I have produced!!!
If I want change then i must attack change square in the face! The only way to make that happen is to pick it up go faster and get out of the way of progress. In other words, get my ass moving! FAST!
PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!
I have all my family believing in this that I can do this and I can't believe how bad I look doing it!
So back to the drawing board of reality!
These steps need to be recorded for me to see feel and hear. No more hiding behind being unsure and thinking I am any good at this. Because the truth of the matter is I am soooo bad and slow compared to the place I want to be. That place that I want to be is very far from my reach right now. But that is all changing in the typing of this ...
Things are changing this minute. Thanks for the wake up call God!!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The more I learn the less I know
Learning is humbling! I really have to let go of any pride I might have on knowledge of skating to learn the technique of this sport. My body is struggling to let go of years of training it to go in one position to go into these new positions I am learning. I am so tired from this inner (and outer) tug of war. I am wondering when the new will take over the old. Letting go of learned "stuff" is hard in life as well as sport. Out with the old and in with the new is easier said then done.
My body hurts in places that I never knew could hurt. Skating has never been so difficult to do. I feel like I have never been on the ice before. But my brain knows what speed feels like and going painfully slow is killing me.
But the cool part is the pull inside of me that can't wait to get back on the ice again and start all over again.
My body hurts in places that I never knew could hurt. Skating has never been so difficult to do. I feel like I have never been on the ice before. But my brain knows what speed feels like and going painfully slow is killing me.
But the cool part is the pull inside of me that can't wait to get back on the ice again and start all over again.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I Survived
So cool to say I survived! I didn't feel 46 at all. I just felt like a out of shape athlete. The technique for speed skating is so precise I am in awe of the mechanics to create a perfect stride. Not one time did I push with any kind of speed but I spent the entire time on the ice skating at a snail pace feeling every pressure point that all the instructors had me feeling.
I didn't care what group they placed me in or who I skated with all I wanted to do was be a sponge and absorb every once of info I could. Did I walk away with more knowledge then I walked in with? Yes, I absolutely did! Now I need to find the time to give hundreds of hours to practice this stuff. I learned some amazing off ice drills too.
The one thing that was a real amazing thing to me was when it was over I didn't feel old. I know so far everyone that's heard me say what my goal is, have looked at me and my age. But when I stepped on that ice I forgot my age. When the weekend was over I had to stop and think and I didn't feel any different training now as I did when I was 20. The only difference was I am not in shape. And that is being corrected as I write this.
It's safe to say that I took a leap of faith and found HOPE!
I didn't care what group they placed me in or who I skated with all I wanted to do was be a sponge and absorb every once of info I could. Did I walk away with more knowledge then I walked in with? Yes, I absolutely did! Now I need to find the time to give hundreds of hours to practice this stuff. I learned some amazing off ice drills too.
The one thing that was a real amazing thing to me was when it was over I didn't feel old. I know so far everyone that's heard me say what my goal is, have looked at me and my age. But when I stepped on that ice I forgot my age. When the weekend was over I had to stop and think and I didn't feel any different training now as I did when I was 20. The only difference was I am not in shape. And that is being corrected as I write this.
It's safe to say that I took a leap of faith and found HOPE!
Friday, July 16, 2010
1st speedskating camp
Well I am off to my first ice speed skating camp. To say I am a little nervous is an understatement for sure! I don't know what to expect or if I am capable of even of surviving. But the best way to find out is to jump in with both feet, so here goes...
Sunday, May 30, 2010
First Race :)
So the first race was more mentally challenging then I expected, but I did it!!!
Got to the race at 7:30am felt so out of place I wanted to cry. Sat around till my race started at 10:45. I only talked to one girl, the girl that won the race and got to hear her story and her quest for making her dreams come true. She really is an amazing athlete/young women and I am sure her dreams will come true.
I told her my dream too. I was shocked she didn't laugh but said she knew I was going to say something like that.
I told my friend from figure skating Bryan Rabin my dream last week and as I was telling him I wanted to crawl under the table we were sitting at. But something else started to happen as I spoke with him, a new freedom in myself started to grow. Along with a sense of confidence in this dream I have. It started to become a reality and took on a sense of life. It was amazing what change I felt during that lunch we shared. To my surprise he said he believed in me too. WOW! Someone that hasn't seen me in 26 years and because of what he saw in my face and knowing the skater I was, believes in me. That was incredible to me, for me. It gave me the confidence to say to this young women, a stranger really That I wanted to do everything and go for the 2014 winter Olympics in long track speed skating.
So back to the race. Standing on the starting line with my husband and youngest son cheering me on.... I wanted to leave and take my skates off! Really, I was that nervous! My feet were shaking my toes were numb, nothing felt good! Then they said go.
It's been a long time sense being competitive. I forgot the feeling, and I know now I have a lot more to remember about competing. Competing is just another form of training. Any competitor that thinks they can take time off from competing and get in the best shape of there lives and go compete at the major competition without doing any little competition has got an eye opener. The mental stamina needed in this aspect alone is crazy.
As we started skating I got tired from that, the lack of mental stamina, I also forgot all the pace line breakaways. and regrouping pace line strategy's that are done in the race. So by the 6th mile I was shot, and by the last 9th mile I wanted to call it quits. But a long the way in those miles it became more than just a race to me it became a time to talk to some of the other skaters and encourage them on. To do little things. to say to them. to help them and in doing that it also helped me. I saw a little girl working so hard by herself and offered my help to her. I saw myself in her. Also saw a parent who was pushing this child beyond crazy. Another girl who was So good lose her fight and faith and talked to her to help her on. And like I said it helped me. I finished the race in the lead pack in 13th place and finished this 15k (9mile) in 27 minutes 49seconds.
I'm happy!
Got to the race at 7:30am felt so out of place I wanted to cry. Sat around till my race started at 10:45. I only talked to one girl, the girl that won the race and got to hear her story and her quest for making her dreams come true. She really is an amazing athlete/young women and I am sure her dreams will come true.
I told her my dream too. I was shocked she didn't laugh but said she knew I was going to say something like that.
I told my friend from figure skating Bryan Rabin my dream last week and as I was telling him I wanted to crawl under the table we were sitting at. But something else started to happen as I spoke with him, a new freedom in myself started to grow. Along with a sense of confidence in this dream I have. It started to become a reality and took on a sense of life. It was amazing what change I felt during that lunch we shared. To my surprise he said he believed in me too. WOW! Someone that hasn't seen me in 26 years and because of what he saw in my face and knowing the skater I was, believes in me. That was incredible to me, for me. It gave me the confidence to say to this young women, a stranger really That I wanted to do everything and go for the 2014 winter Olympics in long track speed skating.
So back to the race. Standing on the starting line with my husband and youngest son cheering me on.... I wanted to leave and take my skates off! Really, I was that nervous! My feet were shaking my toes were numb, nothing felt good! Then they said go.
It's been a long time sense being competitive. I forgot the feeling, and I know now I have a lot more to remember about competing. Competing is just another form of training. Any competitor that thinks they can take time off from competing and get in the best shape of there lives and go compete at the major competition without doing any little competition has got an eye opener. The mental stamina needed in this aspect alone is crazy.
As we started skating I got tired from that, the lack of mental stamina, I also forgot all the pace line breakaways. and regrouping pace line strategy's that are done in the race. So by the 6th mile I was shot, and by the last 9th mile I wanted to call it quits. But a long the way in those miles it became more than just a race to me it became a time to talk to some of the other skaters and encourage them on. To do little things. to say to them. to help them and in doing that it also helped me. I saw a little girl working so hard by herself and offered my help to her. I saw myself in her. Also saw a parent who was pushing this child beyond crazy. Another girl who was So good lose her fight and faith and talked to her to help her on. And like I said it helped me. I finished the race in the lead pack in 13th place and finished this 15k (9mile) in 27 minutes 49seconds.
I'm happy!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Am I living in a Dream World?
What am I doing?
I am so far from the starting line.... I get up everyday and do as much as I can and more, and it's still not enough! Everyday I start a workout it's like getting ready to have another child. You know the baby is miracle, that when you hold it in your arms your heart will be filled with joy beyond words. But before that you have to go through labor, birth! That is painful, long and at the time seems like it will never end.
Well I still am at the part of the pregnancy when your not showing even a lump on your belly. I am at the part when you feel green all day long and your feet are dragging and you haven't even heard your child's heart beat, and you still have that " what if " fear of losing the baby. Losing something that you desperately what to hold in your arms and love beyond words already.
It's a scary place to be in, putting yourself out to that place of total commitment, to have something that's not yours yet.
I have that desire.
It's scary.
I want it.
I'll do what I can do every day.
Tomorrow will come...
I am so far from the starting line.... I get up everyday and do as much as I can and more, and it's still not enough! Everyday I start a workout it's like getting ready to have another child. You know the baby is miracle, that when you hold it in your arms your heart will be filled with joy beyond words. But before that you have to go through labor, birth! That is painful, long and at the time seems like it will never end.
Well I still am at the part of the pregnancy when your not showing even a lump on your belly. I am at the part when you feel green all day long and your feet are dragging and you haven't even heard your child's heart beat, and you still have that " what if " fear of losing the baby. Losing something that you desperately what to hold in your arms and love beyond words already.
It's a scary place to be in, putting yourself out to that place of total commitment, to have something that's not yours yet.
I have that desire.
It's scary.
I want it.
I'll do what I can do every day.
Tomorrow will come...
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Ask kicked!!!
So today I got my ass kicked! Pride, ego and anything else that goes with that kicked! I have soo much to learn and so far to go. Today was just a reality slap into the work that I have to face to accomplish the FIRST step on this journey.
I learned how to ride a bike today. Does anyone remember the first time they learned to ride a bike without training wheels? Well that's what today was for me. I took the training wheels off the the bike for the first time. I made it down the driveway, but coming back up was hard and scary. I got a look at reality square in the face. It was totally fun and exciting. had complete joy in the moment of stepping up to face reality and doing these first real steps. Then I saw someone who has been doing this kind of training for sometime doing it and He blew me out of the water!!!
Not an easy thing to say happened. I have always prided myself on being fast. But technique was a definite advantage to skating FAST. My muscles are old and out of shape. They haven't been trained or worked out in 12 years.
I spent 3 of those twelve years flat in bed not knowing if I wanted the next day to exists. 4 of those years trying to put one foot in front of the other and relearn who I am and what I was created to be and do. Now that I know what I am to be doing, I feel like a person who has been in a coma for most of their life and is learning to get out of bed and make it to the bathroom without help. a little dramatic, maybe. But then again maybe not. Losing everything that you thought was important in your life, then finding beauty in stuff you took for granted is pretty dramatic!
Now I wake up and look forward to seeing what tomorrow will bring and how I am going to learn how to handle it. I have found that most of the time that I must look at it, let it go and relearn.
So today I rode the bike down my drive way and back up. What will tomorrow bring? The side walk or the street. I can't wait to face my first hill!
I learned how to ride a bike today. Does anyone remember the first time they learned to ride a bike without training wheels? Well that's what today was for me. I took the training wheels off the the bike for the first time. I made it down the driveway, but coming back up was hard and scary. I got a look at reality square in the face. It was totally fun and exciting. had complete joy in the moment of stepping up to face reality and doing these first real steps. Then I saw someone who has been doing this kind of training for sometime doing it and He blew me out of the water!!!
Not an easy thing to say happened. I have always prided myself on being fast. But technique was a definite advantage to skating FAST. My muscles are old and out of shape. They haven't been trained or worked out in 12 years.
I spent 3 of those twelve years flat in bed not knowing if I wanted the next day to exists. 4 of those years trying to put one foot in front of the other and relearn who I am and what I was created to be and do. Now that I know what I am to be doing, I feel like a person who has been in a coma for most of their life and is learning to get out of bed and make it to the bathroom without help. a little dramatic, maybe. But then again maybe not. Losing everything that you thought was important in your life, then finding beauty in stuff you took for granted is pretty dramatic!
Now I wake up and look forward to seeing what tomorrow will bring and how I am going to learn how to handle it. I have found that most of the time that I must look at it, let it go and relearn.
So today I rode the bike down my drive way and back up. What will tomorrow bring? The side walk or the street. I can't wait to face my first hill!
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