What is a Champion?

An idea is always easy.
Getting a start plan get's your feet moving.
Getting things moving is exciting.
As you get going the mess begins....

This is so much harder then I thought. I thought sure I am a skater, how hard could it be just to skate fast and not do ANY jumps or spins. All I have to do is stroke and crossover in one direction.

WRONG!! This sport is so much more technical, so precise, so much more challenging than I ever thought. Sure I could come in and muscle and plow my way in. And that would only let me get so far, because a wall will be hit. But the hard part is learning the movement of the rhythm with the precision of the power. This sport is a well tuned and crafted creation. The feeling your able to experience is so dynamic it's really not possible to place in words. All I can say is that it challenges everything we are created to be, it makes us so aware of the greatness our bodies were made to be able to achieve. And allows us the time to stay suspended in that moment of awe for brief minutes.

With all that said I am still at the crawling stage of this journey. It is time for me to learn how to walk I have felt that need to get up and run and I am ready for falls along the way now. And falls I will take, and today I say I am ready to take them.

Someone said to me this weekend, If only I met you 20 years ago you could really go someplace in this sport. And I said don't look at me like twenty years to old, look at me like I am in that place right now. Because when I place my face close to that ice I don't feel my age at all! I am 20 in that moment and my body doesn't feel my age or understand it, it just has this desire to learn how to go faster.

And who knows maybe Geritol and Depends Undergarments will see me as a source of advertisement for the "more interesting in age" generation!

ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE IF YOU BELIEVE!

I haven't written in this journal for a time because I have been battling with this incredible sense of failure over coming out of the closet with this dream I have. I have been feeling like a crazy lady for even thinking this and I have gone into, it really doesn't matter mode. I have been battling the "inner competitor" in me for the last few months.Not knowing if I could or wanted to feel that feeling again. I took a fall rollerblading and it put some fear in me about getting hurt physically, and I pulled back. I have been afraid to step out of my comfort zone and challenge myself to the point of losing control of my steps and getting injured or not having that feeling of "protection" surrounding me.

Well this weekend changed everything for me. I have learned a lot about myself and about others.I watched the competitive drive of people my age and seen them overcome so many challenges and road blocks of there own. Some have achieved the best they are going to be. But all are daring to become it! That statement of to bad not 20 years ago was like a wake up call and my entire body went WHY NOT NOW!!! WAKE UP!!! GET MOVING!!! HARDER!!!

So my question was, what is a champion?

Well I feel a "Champion" is one that I will be when I finish this journey that I am on. A "Champion" is made from the everyday moment to moment living, training, the ups the downs and the "story" you have when you have completed the journey you began!

First short track competition

Well I just finished my first competition and I was a good master Old Lady. My Daughter took some video of it and I am horrified. I am slow and scared looking out on that ice. This has to stop I have to stop skating scared and whining about how I don't understand what I am doing. Because that's exactly what I have produced!!!
If I want change then i must attack change square in the face! The only way to make that happen is to pick it up go faster and get out of the way of progress. In other words, get my ass moving! FAST!
PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!
I have all my family believing in this that I can do this and I can't believe how bad I look doing it!
So back to the drawing board of reality!
These steps need to be recorded for me to see feel and hear. No more hiding behind being unsure and thinking I am any good at this. Because the truth of the matter is I am soooo bad and slow compared to the place I want to be. That place that I want to be is very far from my reach right now. But that is all changing in the typing of this ...
Things are changing this minute. Thanks for the wake up call God!!

The more I learn the less I know

Learning is humbling! I really have to let go of any pride I might have on knowledge of skating to learn the technique of this sport. My body is struggling to let go of years of training it to go in one position to go into these new positions I am learning. I am so tired from this inner (and outer) tug of war. I am wondering when the new will take over the old. Letting go of learned "stuff" is hard in life as well as sport. Out with the old and in with the new is easier said then done.
My body hurts in places that I never knew could hurt. Skating has never been so difficult to do. I feel like I have never been on the ice before. But my brain knows what speed feels like and going painfully slow is killing me.
But the cool part is the pull inside of me that can't wait to get back on the ice again and start all over again.

I Survived

So cool to say I survived! I didn't feel 46 at all. I just felt like a out of shape athlete. The technique for speed skating is so precise I am in awe of the mechanics to create a perfect stride. Not one time did I push with any kind of speed but I spent the entire time on the ice skating at a snail pace feeling every pressure point that all the instructors had me feeling.
I didn't care what group they placed me in or who I skated with all I wanted to do was be a sponge and absorb every once of info I could. Did I walk away with more knowledge then I walked in with? Yes, I absolutely did! Now I need to find the time to give hundreds of hours to practice this stuff. I learned some amazing off ice drills too.
The one thing that was a real amazing thing to me was when it was over I didn't feel old. I know so far everyone that's heard me say what my goal is, have looked at me and my age. But when I stepped on that ice I forgot my age. When the weekend was over I had to stop and think and I didn't feel any different training now as I did when I was 20. The only difference was I am not in shape. And that is being corrected as I write this.
It's safe to say that I took a leap of faith and found HOPE!

1st speedskating camp

Well I am off to my first ice speed skating camp. To say I am a little nervous is an understatement for sure! I don't know what to expect or if I am capable of even of surviving. But the best way to find out is to jump in with both feet, so here goes...

First Race :)

So the first race was more mentally challenging then I expected, but I did it!!!

Got to the race at 7:30am felt so out of place I wanted to cry. Sat around till my race started at 10:45. I only talked to one girl, the girl that won the race and got to hear her story and her quest for making her dreams come true. She really is an amazing athlete/young women and I am sure her dreams will come true.

I told her my dream too. I was shocked she didn't laugh but said she knew I was going to say something like that.

I told my friend from figure skating Bryan Rabin my dream last week and as I was telling him I wanted to crawl under the table we were sitting at. But something else started to happen as I spoke with him, a new freedom in myself started to grow. Along with a sense of confidence in this dream I have. It started to become a reality and took on a sense of life. It was amazing what change I felt during that lunch we shared. To my surprise he said he believed in me too. WOW! Someone that hasn't seen me in 26 years and because of what he saw in my face and knowing the skater I was, believes in me. That was incredible to me, for me. It gave me the confidence to say to this young women, a stranger really That I wanted to do everything and go for the 2014 winter Olympics in long track speed skating.

So back to the race. Standing on the starting line with my husband and youngest son cheering me on.... I wanted to leave and take my skates off! Really, I was that nervous! My feet were shaking my toes were numb, nothing felt good! Then they said go.

It's been a long time sense being competitive. I forgot the feeling, and I know now I have a lot more to remember about competing. Competing is just another form of training. Any competitor that thinks they can take time off from competing and get in the best shape of there lives and go compete at the major competition without doing any little competition has got an eye opener. The mental stamina needed in this aspect alone is crazy.

As we started skating I got tired from that, the lack of mental stamina, I also forgot all the pace line breakaways. and regrouping pace line strategy's that are done in the race. So by the 6th mile I was shot, and by the last 9th mile I wanted to call it quits. But a long the way in those miles it became more than just a race to me it became a time to talk to some of the other skaters and encourage them on. To do little things. to say to them. to help them and in doing that it also helped me. I saw a little girl working so hard by herself and offered my help to her. I saw myself in her. Also saw a parent who was pushing this child beyond crazy. Another girl who was So good lose her fight and faith and talked to her to help her on. And like I said it helped me. I finished the race in the lead pack in 13th place and finished this 15k (9mile) in 27 minutes 49seconds.

I'm happy!

Am I living in a Dream World?

What am I doing?
I am so far from the starting line.... I get up everyday and do as much as I can and more, and it's still not enough! Everyday I start a workout it's like getting ready to have another child. You know the baby is miracle, that when you hold it in your arms your heart will be filled with joy beyond words. But before that you have to go through labor, birth! That is painful, long and at the time seems like it will never end.
Well I still am at the part of the pregnancy when your not showing even a lump on your belly. I am at the part when you feel green all day long and your feet are dragging and you haven't even heard your child's heart beat, and you still have that " what if " fear of losing the baby. Losing something that you desperately what to hold in your arms and love beyond words already.
It's a scary place to be in, putting yourself out to that place of total commitment, to have something that's not yours yet.
I have that desire.
It's scary.
I want it.
I'll do what I can do every day.
Tomorrow will come...