Sunday, January 16, 2011



Ok it's now time to start a diet!
I have had to watch what I eat for the past year. To me watching what I eat means looking at the food and being aware of what I am putting in my body. For 13 years I haven't really given much thought to what I am eating. It was one of my ways to "heal" from the eating disorder I developed. Not to make the food a "god" in my life and not to think about it.

I don't think I can truthfully say I never thought about food, but I can say I started to listen to what my body would want to eat and feed it that. Slowly I would cut down on the amount and soon I would be able to say no.

Getting my body to trust me again has been a real challenge to say the least.

So when I started this journey I have been spear headed by a lot of eating challenges. First my eating picked up so much my mouth hurt from chewing. Then I started 'Watching" what I ate and the groaning was loud. I tried to write it down some, and that back fired on me big time!
I wasn't ready for that at the time. And I ate out of control for a few days until I realized I could put down the pen and paper! lol

But really getting myself to eat 3 to 4 times a day was my goal. To eat when I was hungry and know when my body needed the food and hear when I was needing that extra bit of food for something I was doing.

I haven't really denied myself anything to eat yet and that's what I must start to do now.
I need to lose weight in a healthy way and I need to feed my body enough of the correct foods that it doesn't go into survival mode on me to much.

See it does that a lot, survival mode is when it thinks I am going to starve it in any way. When I started picking up skating it went nuts. I was back to baby steps, starting from scratch with how kind I had to be to myself. It is so hard to explain and as I start to journal about this issue maybe my words will become clearer for even me to understand me.

I still need to learn a lot about skating and technique.
But now I know that for me to start to help with putting up fast times I need to stop pulling the weight I have on me. The good part about this is I can look at it like I have a weight vest on and I am taking off a little ounce at a time.

I am 5 '7 My weight is now 145 and I feel I can get to a healthy 123 for this type of training I need. I will not put myself in any kind of jeopardy of any kind. And if the weight stops coming off at any point and I am following the eating patterns that will be kind to me. I will stay at that point and not abuse myself in any way to take it off or think I NEED to get it off.

This stuff I am saying is sounding random but it is very powerful for and to me.
This post is the hardest for me to hit the post button on!

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