It's been a year on the ice with short track skating. I got to be on the ice a total of 21 times for Long Track. And I am pretty happy with the beginnings. My goal was to get technically a little better every time I stepped on the ice and to get stronger off ice so that this next year I could really train hard. I achieved that goal.
Not to be called a rookie anymore. Bill is a man that speed skates at Flushing Meadow Speed Skating Club, ran around calling me instant speed skater,( like instant rice ) wanted to know what isle in the grocery store he could buy it. Bill said to me the other day, that title isn't yours anymore Jacki, but you held it for a long time!
So in other words, move on to the next level.
I was told that in a Speed Skating grid I would be a little more than half way up the chart. But to get to that next level is a lot of work and very few make it.
The really cool thing that has happened around my family is that everyone is excited about this sport and everyone is encouraging and supportive.
Now that's one of those "priceless" things that happen!
I am excited about the work. The technique stuff has been killing me this year. So being able to apply what I have learned to some strong power workouts is just making me happy.
After I came home from Canada (Master Worlds) I have been truly able to see some hope in this adventure. I went to Canada with a little bit of a down heart I had an injury that was preventing me from applying all my strength into the skating and I was favoring my right side a bunch. I didn't do much skating for 3 weeks before we went. And I was hurting because it was coasting so much, and my family has not been able to see me skate Long Track yet. And I have been fighting off feelings from a place so long forgotten, or should I say shoved in a closet!
Now I need to also go back to the 20yr old that quit skating so long ago give her a hug and start moving my skating into a new level.
That 20yr old was filled with so much guilt over taking time away from my family.
Taking so much money away from my family.
Taking my mom away from my sister and brother.
Taking all the attention of the family.
All family focus was on everything I was doing, saying, feeling, eating and planing on doing.
If I had a bad day skating, the family had a bad day.
If it was a good day skating or competing, the family celebrated, and all was good.
And of course we had lots of walking on egg days because they were days of just training.
The inbetween days to prepare for the upcoming season. The day's when they would all look at me and say, what do you think Jacki? How do you feel your doing? Like I KNEW WHAT WAS NEXT?!
One thing I have learned is this...I don't want to be mean to myself any more. I want to be nice and do whats good for me. I want to learn to feed myself with good fun things that help me become the best I was created to be. I want to be able to dare, desire and achieve dreams. I want to create a new me. One that lives and breaths and eats greatness. So I can become what I really see myself as.. And that is a World Class Champion Skater. Ageless and Limitless, with no chains holding me down!
I've held on to this post afraid to hit the send button for 3 months. So here goes!!!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Nicer to Myself
Some times in life we meet unexpected challenges and this trip to Master Worlds in Canada will be one of those times
The only thing I can tell you is this. I know I am a very competitive person and I have always gone to compete in any competition,
In “ready” mode. And I can tell you this, I am so far from ready to compete I can hardly walk correctly and forget the stamina thing. I haven’t done cardio at all in a month.
This is what I have been telling myself, and so far it’s helped a lot!
1st. This is going to be fun for me, I am going to learn something from this about myself and I am going to learn from those around me.
2nd. I have always liked going to events to watch before, so this time I get to watch with practice too!
3rd. I AM going to compete giving everything I have, (listen to this this is IMPORTANT! )Because I have done everything that I could have done at this moment in my life to be ready for this event!
I haven’t done it the way I wanted to do it, but I have challenged myself everyday to do something out of my comfort zone.
And to move myself forward and not give in OR give up in the situation I have been dealt!
4th. No shoulda, coulda or woulda’s. I am doing something I love, Something that makes me feel good about myself, Something that a lot of people would give anything to
be able to do. I will give everything I have at this moment. AND THAT’S ALL THAT IS IMPORTANT.
When I look back at things I have done in my life, the only things that make me sad are the memories of the stuff I didn’t give my all on.
I am not going to beat myself up over this event I have been working hard from a different angle in life. Isn’t that what competing is about, working all obstacles!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
GRRRRRR
So now I feel like I am starting all over.
My skating has gone down hill.
My times are bad.
I don't feel like I can pick up my feet when I skate.
The question is...Do I still love it? YES!
So try again, even if it means starting over I'll do it again and again.
I have to still get the skates/blades I am to settle into.
To really feel how they work.
I had to return the boots I was using. Now I have a temp pair I will use for inline training.
I got them very tight, because they will stretch out. The question is will they stretch out in time for me to skate long track at the end of this month? I am expecting a lot from me and my equipment when I don't get much time on them. I will be putting them on for the first time this weekend at a race. ( That seems to be when and where I get to do any of my Long track skating)
Kind of makes me wonder how much better I would be getting if I could skate on that ice everyday or 3 times a week for now.
I still only get 2 days a week short track ice and that is it!! That will all change soon enough, because I feel like I am ready to put the "real" time into it. In the beginning I was training to get into training shape. Well I feel like I could do it now....
That is before I got this back injury and now strep throat on top of the injury. GRRRRR!
So the blades I got are a entire inch longer than what I was skating on and they are a taller blade.
I will be testing out the length of them this weekend and if I like them I will get my own pair in Canada at the end of this month. If I don't like the length, will get a half inch shorter blade to try out at that event.
One day at a time! One day at a time!
I was telling my son the other day the coach we have at our short track practice (is great!) only really helps you if he see's you putting your all into it (very fair, I think) well the point is he hasn't called out my name in two weeks....not good. I watched my little son work his butt off at the last practice, I mean real work. when he got off the ice his face was purple and his eyes were red. I went over to him and said well done lil man, I am very proud of you! He looked up at me and said, Mom, I have never worked so hard in my life! I worked so hard I cried while I was pushing through the pain. I can't believe I did it!
wow
I sat and looked at him and realized he was teaching me a lesson.. That every time no matter if it's a good skate or a bad skate, just push it to your fullest and you'll be able to say I DID IT!!
That's the biggest victory ever!
As I do whatever workout I can do now, I will do it to my fullest, and I won't quit! I might need a push here and again. But I will see my little boy's purple face in front of me saying I DID IT!!!
My skating has gone down hill.
My times are bad.
I don't feel like I can pick up my feet when I skate.
The question is...Do I still love it? YES!
So try again, even if it means starting over I'll do it again and again.
I have to still get the skates/blades I am to settle into.
To really feel how they work.
I had to return the boots I was using. Now I have a temp pair I will use for inline training.
I got them very tight, because they will stretch out. The question is will they stretch out in time for me to skate long track at the end of this month? I am expecting a lot from me and my equipment when I don't get much time on them. I will be putting them on for the first time this weekend at a race. ( That seems to be when and where I get to do any of my Long track skating)
Kind of makes me wonder how much better I would be getting if I could skate on that ice everyday or 3 times a week for now.
I still only get 2 days a week short track ice and that is it!! That will all change soon enough, because I feel like I am ready to put the "real" time into it. In the beginning I was training to get into training shape. Well I feel like I could do it now....
That is before I got this back injury and now strep throat on top of the injury. GRRRRR!
So the blades I got are a entire inch longer than what I was skating on and they are a taller blade.
I will be testing out the length of them this weekend and if I like them I will get my own pair in Canada at the end of this month. If I don't like the length, will get a half inch shorter blade to try out at that event.
One day at a time! One day at a time!
I was telling my son the other day the coach we have at our short track practice (is great!) only really helps you if he see's you putting your all into it (very fair, I think) well the point is he hasn't called out my name in two weeks....not good. I watched my little son work his butt off at the last practice, I mean real work. when he got off the ice his face was purple and his eyes were red. I went over to him and said well done lil man, I am very proud of you! He looked up at me and said, Mom, I have never worked so hard in my life! I worked so hard I cried while I was pushing through the pain. I can't believe I did it!
wow
I sat and looked at him and realized he was teaching me a lesson.. That every time no matter if it's a good skate or a bad skate, just push it to your fullest and you'll be able to say I DID IT!!
That's the biggest victory ever!
As I do whatever workout I can do now, I will do it to my fullest, and I won't quit! I might need a push here and again. But I will see my little boy's purple face in front of me saying I DID IT!!!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Diet
Grrrrrr!
Ok it's now time to start a diet!
I have had to watch what I eat for the past year. To me watching what I eat means looking at the food and being aware of what I am putting in my body. For 13 years I haven't really given much thought to what I am eating. It was one of my ways to "heal" from the eating disorder I developed. Not to make the food a "god" in my life and not to think about it.
I don't think I can truthfully say I never thought about food, but I can say I started to listen to what my body would want to eat and feed it that. Slowly I would cut down on the amount and soon I would be able to say no.
Getting my body to trust me again has been a real challenge to say the least.
So when I started this journey I have been spear headed by a lot of eating challenges. First my eating picked up so much my mouth hurt from chewing. Then I started 'Watching" what I ate and the groaning was loud. I tried to write it down some, and that back fired on me big time!
I wasn't ready for that at the time. And I ate out of control for a few days until I realized I could put down the pen and paper! lol
But really getting myself to eat 3 to 4 times a day was my goal. To eat when I was hungry and know when my body needed the food and hear when I was needing that extra bit of food for something I was doing.
I haven't really denied myself anything to eat yet and that's what I must start to do now.
I need to lose weight in a healthy way and I need to feed my body enough of the correct foods that it doesn't go into survival mode on me to much.
See it does that a lot, survival mode is when it thinks I am going to starve it in any way. When I started picking up skating it went nuts. I was back to baby steps, starting from scratch with how kind I had to be to myself. It is so hard to explain and as I start to journal about this issue maybe my words will become clearer for even me to understand me.
I still need to learn a lot about skating and technique.
But now I know that for me to start to help with putting up fast times I need to stop pulling the weight I have on me. The good part about this is I can look at it like I have a weight vest on and I am taking off a little ounce at a time.
I am 5 '7 My weight is now 145 and I feel I can get to a healthy 123 for this type of training I need. I will not put myself in any kind of jeopardy of any kind. And if the weight stops coming off at any point and I am following the eating patterns that will be kind to me. I will stay at that point and not abuse myself in any way to take it off or think I NEED to get it off.
This stuff I am saying is sounding random but it is very powerful for and to me.
This post is the hardest for me to hit the post button on!
Ok it's now time to start a diet!
I have had to watch what I eat for the past year. To me watching what I eat means looking at the food and being aware of what I am putting in my body. For 13 years I haven't really given much thought to what I am eating. It was one of my ways to "heal" from the eating disorder I developed. Not to make the food a "god" in my life and not to think about it.
I don't think I can truthfully say I never thought about food, but I can say I started to listen to what my body would want to eat and feed it that. Slowly I would cut down on the amount and soon I would be able to say no.
Getting my body to trust me again has been a real challenge to say the least.
So when I started this journey I have been spear headed by a lot of eating challenges. First my eating picked up so much my mouth hurt from chewing. Then I started 'Watching" what I ate and the groaning was loud. I tried to write it down some, and that back fired on me big time!
I wasn't ready for that at the time. And I ate out of control for a few days until I realized I could put down the pen and paper! lol
But really getting myself to eat 3 to 4 times a day was my goal. To eat when I was hungry and know when my body needed the food and hear when I was needing that extra bit of food for something I was doing.
I haven't really denied myself anything to eat yet and that's what I must start to do now.
I need to lose weight in a healthy way and I need to feed my body enough of the correct foods that it doesn't go into survival mode on me to much.
See it does that a lot, survival mode is when it thinks I am going to starve it in any way. When I started picking up skating it went nuts. I was back to baby steps, starting from scratch with how kind I had to be to myself. It is so hard to explain and as I start to journal about this issue maybe my words will become clearer for even me to understand me.
I still need to learn a lot about skating and technique.
But now I know that for me to start to help with putting up fast times I need to stop pulling the weight I have on me. The good part about this is I can look at it like I have a weight vest on and I am taking off a little ounce at a time.
I am 5 '7 My weight is now 145 and I feel I can get to a healthy 123 for this type of training I need. I will not put myself in any kind of jeopardy of any kind. And if the weight stops coming off at any point and I am following the eating patterns that will be kind to me. I will stay at that point and not abuse myself in any way to take it off or think I NEED to get it off.
This stuff I am saying is sounding random but it is very powerful for and to me.
This post is the hardest for me to hit the post button on!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
WOW
First week of practice after the Long track event went well. I learned more this week because I was open and ready to let it hurt. I can say that I did everything I could do, to the very best of my ability today.
So I have prepared for tomorrow today, to achieve greater ability tomorrow then today.
I don't know if that make any sense to anyone but it does to me.
My sister told me that the jacki that is to happen in 3 years is not here yet, so I need to be nicer to this jacki and help create the jacki that is to come.
And WOW I can't wait to meet that JACKI!
So I have prepared for tomorrow today, to achieve greater ability tomorrow then today.
I don't know if that make any sense to anyone but it does to me.
My sister told me that the jacki that is to happen in 3 years is not here yet, so I need to be nicer to this jacki and help create the jacki that is to come.
And WOW I can't wait to meet that JACKI!
Monday, January 10, 2011
What is a Champion?
An idea is always easy.
Getting a start plan get's your feet moving.
Getting things moving is exciting.
As you get going the mess begins....
This is so much harder then I thought. I thought sure I am a skater, how hard could it be just to skate fast and not do ANY jumps or spins. All I have to do is stroke and crossover in one direction.
WRONG!! This sport is so much more technical, so precise, so much more challenging than I ever thought. Sure I could come in and muscle and plow my way in. And that would only let me get so far, because a wall will be hit. But the hard part is learning the movement of the rhythm with the precision of the power. This sport is a well tuned and crafted creation. The feeling your able to experience is so dynamic it's really not possible to place in words. All I can say is that it challenges everything we are created to be, it makes us so aware of the greatness our bodies were made to be able to achieve. And allows us the time to stay suspended in that moment of awe for brief minutes.
With all that said I am still at the crawling stage of this journey. It is time for me to learn how to walk I have felt that need to get up and run and I am ready for falls along the way now. And falls I will take, and today I say I am ready to take them.
Someone said to me this weekend, If only I met you 20 years ago you could really go someplace in this sport. And I said don't look at me like twenty years to old, look at me like I am in that place right now. Because when I place my face close to that ice I don't feel my age at all! I am 20 in that moment and my body doesn't feel my age or understand it, it just has this desire to learn how to go faster.
And who knows maybe Geritol and Depends Undergarments will see me as a source of advertisement for the "more interesting in age" generation!
ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE IF YOU BELIEVE!
I haven't written in this journal for a time because I have been battling with this incredible sense of failure over coming out of the closet with this dream I have. I have been feeling like a crazy lady for even thinking this and I have gone into, it really doesn't matter mode. I have been battling the "inner competitor" in me for the last few months.Not knowing if I could or wanted to feel that feeling again. I took a fall rollerblading and it put some fear in me about getting hurt physically, and I pulled back. I have been afraid to step out of my comfort zone and challenge myself to the point of losing control of my steps and getting injured or not having that feeling of "protection" surrounding me.
Well this weekend changed everything for me. I have learned a lot about myself and about others.I watched the competitive drive of people my age and seen them overcome so many challenges and road blocks of there own. Some have achieved the best they are going to be. But all are daring to become it! That statement of to bad not 20 years ago was like a wake up call and my entire body went WHY NOT NOW!!! WAKE UP!!! GET MOVING!!! HARDER!!!
So my question was, what is a champion?
Well I feel a "Champion" is one that I will be when I finish this journey that I am on. A "Champion" is made from the everyday moment to moment living, training, the ups the downs and the "story" you have when you have completed the journey you began!
Getting a start plan get's your feet moving.
Getting things moving is exciting.
As you get going the mess begins....
This is so much harder then I thought. I thought sure I am a skater, how hard could it be just to skate fast and not do ANY jumps or spins. All I have to do is stroke and crossover in one direction.
WRONG!! This sport is so much more technical, so precise, so much more challenging than I ever thought. Sure I could come in and muscle and plow my way in. And that would only let me get so far, because a wall will be hit. But the hard part is learning the movement of the rhythm with the precision of the power. This sport is a well tuned and crafted creation. The feeling your able to experience is so dynamic it's really not possible to place in words. All I can say is that it challenges everything we are created to be, it makes us so aware of the greatness our bodies were made to be able to achieve. And allows us the time to stay suspended in that moment of awe for brief minutes.
With all that said I am still at the crawling stage of this journey. It is time for me to learn how to walk I have felt that need to get up and run and I am ready for falls along the way now. And falls I will take, and today I say I am ready to take them.
Someone said to me this weekend, If only I met you 20 years ago you could really go someplace in this sport. And I said don't look at me like twenty years to old, look at me like I am in that place right now. Because when I place my face close to that ice I don't feel my age at all! I am 20 in that moment and my body doesn't feel my age or understand it, it just has this desire to learn how to go faster.
And who knows maybe Geritol and Depends Undergarments will see me as a source of advertisement for the "more interesting in age" generation!
ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE IF YOU BELIEVE!
I haven't written in this journal for a time because I have been battling with this incredible sense of failure over coming out of the closet with this dream I have. I have been feeling like a crazy lady for even thinking this and I have gone into, it really doesn't matter mode. I have been battling the "inner competitor" in me for the last few months.Not knowing if I could or wanted to feel that feeling again. I took a fall rollerblading and it put some fear in me about getting hurt physically, and I pulled back. I have been afraid to step out of my comfort zone and challenge myself to the point of losing control of my steps and getting injured or not having that feeling of "protection" surrounding me.
Well this weekend changed everything for me. I have learned a lot about myself and about others.I watched the competitive drive of people my age and seen them overcome so many challenges and road blocks of there own. Some have achieved the best they are going to be. But all are daring to become it! That statement of to bad not 20 years ago was like a wake up call and my entire body went WHY NOT NOW!!! WAKE UP!!! GET MOVING!!! HARDER!!!
So my question was, what is a champion?
Well I feel a "Champion" is one that I will be when I finish this journey that I am on. A "Champion" is made from the everyday moment to moment living, training, the ups the downs and the "story" you have when you have completed the journey you began!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
First short track competition
Well I just finished my first competition and I was a good master Old Lady. My Daughter took some video of it and I am horrified. I am slow and scared looking out on that ice. This has to stop I have to stop skating scared and whining about how I don't understand what I am doing. Because that's exactly what I have produced!!!
If I want change then i must attack change square in the face! The only way to make that happen is to pick it up go faster and get out of the way of progress. In other words, get my ass moving! FAST!
PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!
I have all my family believing in this that I can do this and I can't believe how bad I look doing it!
So back to the drawing board of reality!
These steps need to be recorded for me to see feel and hear. No more hiding behind being unsure and thinking I am any good at this. Because the truth of the matter is I am soooo bad and slow compared to the place I want to be. That place that I want to be is very far from my reach right now. But that is all changing in the typing of this ...
Things are changing this minute. Thanks for the wake up call God!!
If I want change then i must attack change square in the face! The only way to make that happen is to pick it up go faster and get out of the way of progress. In other words, get my ass moving! FAST!
PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!
I have all my family believing in this that I can do this and I can't believe how bad I look doing it!
So back to the drawing board of reality!
These steps need to be recorded for me to see feel and hear. No more hiding behind being unsure and thinking I am any good at this. Because the truth of the matter is I am soooo bad and slow compared to the place I want to be. That place that I want to be is very far from my reach right now. But that is all changing in the typing of this ...
Things are changing this minute. Thanks for the wake up call God!!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The more I learn the less I know
Learning is humbling! I really have to let go of any pride I might have on knowledge of skating to learn the technique of this sport. My body is struggling to let go of years of training it to go in one position to go into these new positions I am learning. I am so tired from this inner (and outer) tug of war. I am wondering when the new will take over the old. Letting go of learned "stuff" is hard in life as well as sport. Out with the old and in with the new is easier said then done.
My body hurts in places that I never knew could hurt. Skating has never been so difficult to do. I feel like I have never been on the ice before. But my brain knows what speed feels like and going painfully slow is killing me.
But the cool part is the pull inside of me that can't wait to get back on the ice again and start all over again.
My body hurts in places that I never knew could hurt. Skating has never been so difficult to do. I feel like I have never been on the ice before. But my brain knows what speed feels like and going painfully slow is killing me.
But the cool part is the pull inside of me that can't wait to get back on the ice again and start all over again.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I Survived
So cool to say I survived! I didn't feel 46 at all. I just felt like a out of shape athlete. The technique for speed skating is so precise I am in awe of the mechanics to create a perfect stride. Not one time did I push with any kind of speed but I spent the entire time on the ice skating at a snail pace feeling every pressure point that all the instructors had me feeling.
I didn't care what group they placed me in or who I skated with all I wanted to do was be a sponge and absorb every once of info I could. Did I walk away with more knowledge then I walked in with? Yes, I absolutely did! Now I need to find the time to give hundreds of hours to practice this stuff. I learned some amazing off ice drills too.
The one thing that was a real amazing thing to me was when it was over I didn't feel old. I know so far everyone that's heard me say what my goal is, have looked at me and my age. But when I stepped on that ice I forgot my age. When the weekend was over I had to stop and think and I didn't feel any different training now as I did when I was 20. The only difference was I am not in shape. And that is being corrected as I write this.
It's safe to say that I took a leap of faith and found HOPE!
I didn't care what group they placed me in or who I skated with all I wanted to do was be a sponge and absorb every once of info I could. Did I walk away with more knowledge then I walked in with? Yes, I absolutely did! Now I need to find the time to give hundreds of hours to practice this stuff. I learned some amazing off ice drills too.
The one thing that was a real amazing thing to me was when it was over I didn't feel old. I know so far everyone that's heard me say what my goal is, have looked at me and my age. But when I stepped on that ice I forgot my age. When the weekend was over I had to stop and think and I didn't feel any different training now as I did when I was 20. The only difference was I am not in shape. And that is being corrected as I write this.
It's safe to say that I took a leap of faith and found HOPE!
Friday, July 16, 2010
1st speedskating camp
Well I am off to my first ice speed skating camp. To say I am a little nervous is an understatement for sure! I don't know what to expect or if I am capable of even of surviving. But the best way to find out is to jump in with both feet, so here goes...
Sunday, May 30, 2010
First Race :)
So the first race was more mentally challenging then I expected, but I did it!!!
Got to the race at 7:30am felt so out of place I wanted to cry. Sat around till my race started at 10:45. I only talked to one girl, the girl that won the race and got to hear her story and her quest for making her dreams come true. She really is an amazing athlete/young women and I am sure her dreams will come true.
I told her my dream too. I was shocked she didn't laugh but said she knew I was going to say something like that.
I told my friend from figure skating Bryan Rabin my dream last week and as I was telling him I wanted to crawl under the table we were sitting at. But something else started to happen as I spoke with him, a new freedom in myself started to grow. Along with a sense of confidence in this dream I have. It started to become a reality and took on a sense of life. It was amazing what change I felt during that lunch we shared. To my surprise he said he believed in me too. WOW! Someone that hasn't seen me in 26 years and because of what he saw in my face and knowing the skater I was, believes in me. That was incredible to me, for me. It gave me the confidence to say to this young women, a stranger really That I wanted to do everything and go for the 2014 winter Olympics in long track speed skating.
So back to the race. Standing on the starting line with my husband and youngest son cheering me on.... I wanted to leave and take my skates off! Really, I was that nervous! My feet were shaking my toes were numb, nothing felt good! Then they said go.
It's been a long time sense being competitive. I forgot the feeling, and I know now I have a lot more to remember about competing. Competing is just another form of training. Any competitor that thinks they can take time off from competing and get in the best shape of there lives and go compete at the major competition without doing any little competition has got an eye opener. The mental stamina needed in this aspect alone is crazy.
As we started skating I got tired from that, the lack of mental stamina, I also forgot all the pace line breakaways. and regrouping pace line strategy's that are done in the race. So by the 6th mile I was shot, and by the last 9th mile I wanted to call it quits. But a long the way in those miles it became more than just a race to me it became a time to talk to some of the other skaters and encourage them on. To do little things. to say to them. to help them and in doing that it also helped me. I saw a little girl working so hard by herself and offered my help to her. I saw myself in her. Also saw a parent who was pushing this child beyond crazy. Another girl who was So good lose her fight and faith and talked to her to help her on. And like I said it helped me. I finished the race in the lead pack in 13th place and finished this 15k (9mile) in 27 minutes 49seconds.
I'm happy!
Got to the race at 7:30am felt so out of place I wanted to cry. Sat around till my race started at 10:45. I only talked to one girl, the girl that won the race and got to hear her story and her quest for making her dreams come true. She really is an amazing athlete/young women and I am sure her dreams will come true.
I told her my dream too. I was shocked she didn't laugh but said she knew I was going to say something like that.
I told my friend from figure skating Bryan Rabin my dream last week and as I was telling him I wanted to crawl under the table we were sitting at. But something else started to happen as I spoke with him, a new freedom in myself started to grow. Along with a sense of confidence in this dream I have. It started to become a reality and took on a sense of life. It was amazing what change I felt during that lunch we shared. To my surprise he said he believed in me too. WOW! Someone that hasn't seen me in 26 years and because of what he saw in my face and knowing the skater I was, believes in me. That was incredible to me, for me. It gave me the confidence to say to this young women, a stranger really That I wanted to do everything and go for the 2014 winter Olympics in long track speed skating.
So back to the race. Standing on the starting line with my husband and youngest son cheering me on.... I wanted to leave and take my skates off! Really, I was that nervous! My feet were shaking my toes were numb, nothing felt good! Then they said go.
It's been a long time sense being competitive. I forgot the feeling, and I know now I have a lot more to remember about competing. Competing is just another form of training. Any competitor that thinks they can take time off from competing and get in the best shape of there lives and go compete at the major competition without doing any little competition has got an eye opener. The mental stamina needed in this aspect alone is crazy.
As we started skating I got tired from that, the lack of mental stamina, I also forgot all the pace line breakaways. and regrouping pace line strategy's that are done in the race. So by the 6th mile I was shot, and by the last 9th mile I wanted to call it quits. But a long the way in those miles it became more than just a race to me it became a time to talk to some of the other skaters and encourage them on. To do little things. to say to them. to help them and in doing that it also helped me. I saw a little girl working so hard by herself and offered my help to her. I saw myself in her. Also saw a parent who was pushing this child beyond crazy. Another girl who was So good lose her fight and faith and talked to her to help her on. And like I said it helped me. I finished the race in the lead pack in 13th place and finished this 15k (9mile) in 27 minutes 49seconds.
I'm happy!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Am I living in a Dream World?
What am I doing?
I am so far from the starting line.... I get up everyday and do as much as I can and more, and it's still not enough! Everyday I start a workout it's like getting ready to have another child. You know the baby is miracle, that when you hold it in your arms your heart will be filled with joy beyond words. But before that you have to go through labor, birth! That is painful, long and at the time seems like it will never end.
Well I still am at the part of the pregnancy when your not showing even a lump on your belly. I am at the part when you feel green all day long and your feet are dragging and you haven't even heard your child's heart beat, and you still have that " what if " fear of losing the baby. Losing something that you desperately what to hold in your arms and love beyond words already.
It's a scary place to be in, putting yourself out to that place of total commitment, to have something that's not yours yet.
I have that desire.
It's scary.
I want it.
I'll do what I can do every day.
Tomorrow will come...
I am so far from the starting line.... I get up everyday and do as much as I can and more, and it's still not enough! Everyday I start a workout it's like getting ready to have another child. You know the baby is miracle, that when you hold it in your arms your heart will be filled with joy beyond words. But before that you have to go through labor, birth! That is painful, long and at the time seems like it will never end.
Well I still am at the part of the pregnancy when your not showing even a lump on your belly. I am at the part when you feel green all day long and your feet are dragging and you haven't even heard your child's heart beat, and you still have that " what if " fear of losing the baby. Losing something that you desperately what to hold in your arms and love beyond words already.
It's a scary place to be in, putting yourself out to that place of total commitment, to have something that's not yours yet.
I have that desire.
It's scary.
I want it.
I'll do what I can do every day.
Tomorrow will come...
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Ask kicked!!!
So today I got my ass kicked! Pride, ego and anything else that goes with that kicked! I have soo much to learn and so far to go. Today was just a reality slap into the work that I have to face to accomplish the FIRST step on this journey.
I learned how to ride a bike today. Does anyone remember the first time they learned to ride a bike without training wheels? Well that's what today was for me. I took the training wheels off the the bike for the first time. I made it down the driveway, but coming back up was hard and scary. I got a look at reality square in the face. It was totally fun and exciting. had complete joy in the moment of stepping up to face reality and doing these first real steps. Then I saw someone who has been doing this kind of training for sometime doing it and He blew me out of the water!!!
Not an easy thing to say happened. I have always prided myself on being fast. But technique was a definite advantage to skating FAST. My muscles are old and out of shape. They haven't been trained or worked out in 12 years.
I spent 3 of those twelve years flat in bed not knowing if I wanted the next day to exists. 4 of those years trying to put one foot in front of the other and relearn who I am and what I was created to be and do. Now that I know what I am to be doing, I feel like a person who has been in a coma for most of their life and is learning to get out of bed and make it to the bathroom without help. a little dramatic, maybe. But then again maybe not. Losing everything that you thought was important in your life, then finding beauty in stuff you took for granted is pretty dramatic!
Now I wake up and look forward to seeing what tomorrow will bring and how I am going to learn how to handle it. I have found that most of the time that I must look at it, let it go and relearn.
So today I rode the bike down my drive way and back up. What will tomorrow bring? The side walk or the street. I can't wait to face my first hill!
I learned how to ride a bike today. Does anyone remember the first time they learned to ride a bike without training wheels? Well that's what today was for me. I took the training wheels off the the bike for the first time. I made it down the driveway, but coming back up was hard and scary. I got a look at reality square in the face. It was totally fun and exciting. had complete joy in the moment of stepping up to face reality and doing these first real steps. Then I saw someone who has been doing this kind of training for sometime doing it and He blew me out of the water!!!
Not an easy thing to say happened. I have always prided myself on being fast. But technique was a definite advantage to skating FAST. My muscles are old and out of shape. They haven't been trained or worked out in 12 years.
I spent 3 of those twelve years flat in bed not knowing if I wanted the next day to exists. 4 of those years trying to put one foot in front of the other and relearn who I am and what I was created to be and do. Now that I know what I am to be doing, I feel like a person who has been in a coma for most of their life and is learning to get out of bed and make it to the bathroom without help. a little dramatic, maybe. But then again maybe not. Losing everything that you thought was important in your life, then finding beauty in stuff you took for granted is pretty dramatic!
Now I wake up and look forward to seeing what tomorrow will bring and how I am going to learn how to handle it. I have found that most of the time that I must look at it, let it go and relearn.
So today I rode the bike down my drive way and back up. What will tomorrow bring? The side walk or the street. I can't wait to face my first hill!
Monday, March 15, 2010
First day on ice!!!
WOW!!!!
I had a great time tonight skating in "borrowed skates". Learned some amazing techniques and was so happy to find out that all the work I have been doing off ice on inline skates and the slide board have been correct. Now I have some more to add to the practices. So happy I don't have to spend time correcting the stuff I have started to do.
But the topper to this night on the ice was the fact that my family was there to skate with me too. We all had some exciting personal bests trying to speed skate. My Husband Michael went out with no edges and was ready to quit right away.So I took out my stone and swipe swipe he had an edge and he didn't come off again. He even got better as the session went on, still looked like a hockey player, but gotta love his heart. Sara my oldest child got the worst skates known to man. They were Bad! She went out on the ice sliding every way possible except forward, out came the stone again and yup she could stand. She started off with some memorable falls and went to a practice group and came back a new skater!!! Last was my youngest son Thomas (my middle son Zak is away at college) well he was all about the speed and trying to beet everyone on the ice. So cute! He was not bad I was very impressed. Now to slow him down and see if a thing called form will appear. After the session was over and he couldn't stop talking about how much he loved it and wanted to go again, the question was asked "what do you want a new guitar or speed skates"? Well... vanHallen... you better watch out he is comin after you!
I had a great time tonight skating in "borrowed skates". Learned some amazing techniques and was so happy to find out that all the work I have been doing off ice on inline skates and the slide board have been correct. Now I have some more to add to the practices. So happy I don't have to spend time correcting the stuff I have started to do.
But the topper to this night on the ice was the fact that my family was there to skate with me too. We all had some exciting personal bests trying to speed skate. My Husband Michael went out with no edges and was ready to quit right away.So I took out my stone and swipe swipe he had an edge and he didn't come off again. He even got better as the session went on, still looked like a hockey player, but gotta love his heart. Sara my oldest child got the worst skates known to man. They were Bad! She went out on the ice sliding every way possible except forward, out came the stone again and yup she could stand. She started off with some memorable falls and went to a practice group and came back a new skater!!! Last was my youngest son Thomas (my middle son Zak is away at college) well he was all about the speed and trying to beet everyone on the ice. So cute! He was not bad I was very impressed. Now to slow him down and see if a thing called form will appear. After the session was over and he couldn't stop talking about how much he loved it and wanted to go again, the question was asked "what do you want a new guitar or speed skates"? Well... vanHallen... you better watch out he is comin after you!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Food time
One week of Rollerblading Done, about 70 miles. I finally found the stride that would be used on ice. I can't be 100% sure, but with a lot of prayer it is. One good thing with having such a strong figure skating background and thousands of hours spent working on form and edges. I have a great eye for picking up technique of others and transferring it to me. This technique isn't easy to come by and I have a long way to go before I can say I have it for good. But I do know it's a start. I love starts!
So the hardest part for me is to change my food. Danger! Danger! My issues with food goes way back and I have a long list. So making them a thought in my daily living is a walking on egg shells in the middle of a blazing fire issue.
With that said I started 3 days ago keeping track of my food intake with a tiny change to some of my eating. I started changing my foods about 6 weeks ago, and I have really been gritting my teeth a little. Only a few tiny set backs with a little over eating, but nothing really out of control. So I am looking at this as a victory in this walk so far. This web site I found (my husband, Michael found) is called Fitday.com and it is free for the beginning uses of the program. I am using that beginning program,and it's really great. It tracks your fat, protein, carb intake and lays it all out in a neat little colorful graph. So much cool stuff on this web site I am sure I'll learn more about it and me as I go along. Already I am seeing just how unbalanced my food really is. This will help me slowly make the changes I need to make to get the eating part of this journey a power force for me. Really, how good can I get if I am not fueling the tank with 100% energy and repair product.
Today is a day of rest for me. Well I don't call 5 loads of laundry and grocery shopping and cleaning the house rest. But after the 70miles of skating and other workouts I put in this week. it looks like rest!
So the hardest part for me is to change my food. Danger! Danger! My issues with food goes way back and I have a long list. So making them a thought in my daily living is a walking on egg shells in the middle of a blazing fire issue.
With that said I started 3 days ago keeping track of my food intake with a tiny change to some of my eating. I started changing my foods about 6 weeks ago, and I have really been gritting my teeth a little. Only a few tiny set backs with a little over eating, but nothing really out of control. So I am looking at this as a victory in this walk so far. This web site I found (my husband, Michael found) is called Fitday.com and it is free for the beginning uses of the program. I am using that beginning program,and it's really great. It tracks your fat, protein, carb intake and lays it all out in a neat little colorful graph. So much cool stuff on this web site I am sure I'll learn more about it and me as I go along. Already I am seeing just how unbalanced my food really is. This will help me slowly make the changes I need to make to get the eating part of this journey a power force for me. Really, how good can I get if I am not fueling the tank with 100% energy and repair product.
Today is a day of rest for me. Well I don't call 5 loads of laundry and grocery shopping and cleaning the house rest. But after the 70miles of skating and other workouts I put in this week. it looks like rest!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Inline Skating
Today I worked out in the fresh air. What a pleasure it was to be outside skating.
I started skating with my old inline skates. They have 78mm wheels and swiss bone bearings. Today's skater use 110mm with fast ceramic bearings. So It's funny to watch these people out on the bike path skating faster then they have any right to skate. I am out working my butt off to skate fast compared to them.
So after 1 hour and 4 minutes, I have 18 miles of training in my inlines completed today. Every out of shape muscle in my body was screaming for me to stop. The only muscle that's not out of shape is my tongue in my mouth so thank God that remained shut and not saying one word!!! I felt free and alive in this painful place called skating, and was able to relax and enjoy the workout in an amazing way. Technique was shaky, kept sitting to far forward on my skates and when i rolled over a rock or broken shell that jammed my front wheel, it was a quick reminder to sit back or have severe road rash on my face.
On the last mile, in the middle of the path sat a duck, looking at me as if to say you better jump because I am not budging. And sure enough that duck didn't budge. So with a quick jump and some fast footwork, my beyond exhausted body was finished
For a moment or maybe 2......
I started skating with my old inline skates. They have 78mm wheels and swiss bone bearings. Today's skater use 110mm with fast ceramic bearings. So It's funny to watch these people out on the bike path skating faster then they have any right to skate. I am out working my butt off to skate fast compared to them.
So after 1 hour and 4 minutes, I have 18 miles of training in my inlines completed today. Every out of shape muscle in my body was screaming for me to stop. The only muscle that's not out of shape is my tongue in my mouth so thank God that remained shut and not saying one word!!! I felt free and alive in this painful place called skating, and was able to relax and enjoy the workout in an amazing way. Technique was shaky, kept sitting to far forward on my skates and when i rolled over a rock or broken shell that jammed my front wheel, it was a quick reminder to sit back or have severe road rash on my face.
On the last mile, in the middle of the path sat a duck, looking at me as if to say you better jump because I am not budging. And sure enough that duck didn't budge. So with a quick jump and some fast footwork, my beyond exhausted body was finished
For a moment or maybe 2......
Monday, March 1, 2010
With the closing of this winters Olympics, I have been filled with awe beyond words. I still cannot believe that my few small steps that I am taking today will be totaled into such a huge effort to reach a goal in 2014.
As I pulled myself together for my workout yesterday, I was in a place of pity. Looking at how far I am from being any where near a place of calling myself an athlete. How old I am. How crazy all this sounds. But I picked myself up and started that workout, and an hour and a half into it I was able to see and feel the difference I have already made since I committed myself to the goal. And I was able to have my first little cheer for myself.
One step at a time... What am I doing today that will help impact my dream tomorrow? Not one day is to go by without me realizing that my steps today will help or hinder tomorrows outcome.
As I pulled myself together for my workout yesterday, I was in a place of pity. Looking at how far I am from being any where near a place of calling myself an athlete. How old I am. How crazy all this sounds. But I picked myself up and started that workout, and an hour and a half into it I was able to see and feel the difference I have already made since I committed myself to the goal. And I was able to have my first little cheer for myself.
One step at a time... What am I doing today that will help impact my dream tomorrow? Not one day is to go by without me realizing that my steps today will help or hinder tomorrows outcome.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
My mind is that of an trained athlete and my body is that of a out of shape 46 year old. LOL
So this is going to be fun trying to get the two to meet in the middle and then move forward...
My workouts now are very short. I am doing 30min on the slide board really working on technique, 30min on the life cycle bike, 30 min of stretching, and 30 to 45 min of sit ups push ups and plyometrics. My mind wants to do so much more. I know I have to be very careful of not causing any injury's and really getting my body to respond correctly to every new move i do and focusing on how my body does it. Gone are the days of JUST DOING IT!!!
I am looking forward to saying my body has caught up to my mind and really feeling the thrill of workouts instead of the agony of putting one foot in front of the other. Right now I feel like a wimp.
So this is going to be fun trying to get the two to meet in the middle and then move forward...
My workouts now are very short. I am doing 30min on the slide board really working on technique, 30min on the life cycle bike, 30 min of stretching, and 30 to 45 min of sit ups push ups and plyometrics. My mind wants to do so much more. I know I have to be very careful of not causing any injury's and really getting my body to respond correctly to every new move i do and focusing on how my body does it. Gone are the days of JUST DOING IT!!!
I am looking forward to saying my body has caught up to my mind and really feeling the thrill of workouts instead of the agony of putting one foot in front of the other. Right now I feel like a wimp.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Watching the Olympics today is so inspiring. I do realize how OLD I am, but that just makes me all the more determined to achieve the worldly impossible. This journey is a very personal and spiritual journey.
Reading the Bible. I have seen how God can make the impossible, possible. And that is were my hope and faith is. Everyday I feel a little stronger and have gone a little further away from my failures and closer to my dream.
I am so blown away from the support I have received from my family and friends that I have shared this dream with. I don't think they realize how important this has been for me. This foundation of support is solid and that has aloud me to plant myself firmly on the start.
Reading the Bible. I have seen how God can make the impossible, possible. And that is were my hope and faith is. Everyday I feel a little stronger and have gone a little further away from my failures and closer to my dream.
I am so blown away from the support I have received from my family and friends that I have shared this dream with. I don't think they realize how important this has been for me. This foundation of support is solid and that has aloud me to plant myself firmly on the start.
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