First Race :)

So the first race was more mentally challenging then I expected, but I did it!!!

Got to the race at 7:30am felt so out of place I wanted to cry. Sat around till my race started at 10:45. I only talked to one girl, the girl that won the race and got to hear her story and her quest for making her dreams come true. She really is an amazing athlete/young women and I am sure her dreams will come true.

I told her my dream too. I was shocked she didn't laugh but said she knew I was going to say something like that.

I told my friend from figure skating Bryan Rabin my dream last week and as I was telling him I wanted to crawl under the table we were sitting at. But something else started to happen as I spoke with him, a new freedom in myself started to grow. Along with a sense of confidence in this dream I have. It started to become a reality and took on a sense of life. It was amazing what change I felt during that lunch we shared. To my surprise he said he believed in me too. WOW! Someone that hasn't seen me in 26 years and because of what he saw in my face and knowing the skater I was, believes in me. That was incredible to me, for me. It gave me the confidence to say to this young women, a stranger really That I wanted to do everything and go for the 2014 winter Olympics in long track speed skating.

So back to the race. Standing on the starting line with my husband and youngest son cheering me on.... I wanted to leave and take my skates off! Really, I was that nervous! My feet were shaking my toes were numb, nothing felt good! Then they said go.

It's been a long time sense being competitive. I forgot the feeling, and I know now I have a lot more to remember about competing. Competing is just another form of training. Any competitor that thinks they can take time off from competing and get in the best shape of there lives and go compete at the major competition without doing any little competition has got an eye opener. The mental stamina needed in this aspect alone is crazy.

As we started skating I got tired from that, the lack of mental stamina, I also forgot all the pace line breakaways. and regrouping pace line strategy's that are done in the race. So by the 6th mile I was shot, and by the last 9th mile I wanted to call it quits. But a long the way in those miles it became more than just a race to me it became a time to talk to some of the other skaters and encourage them on. To do little things. to say to them. to help them and in doing that it also helped me. I saw a little girl working so hard by herself and offered my help to her. I saw myself in her. Also saw a parent who was pushing this child beyond crazy. Another girl who was So good lose her fight and faith and talked to her to help her on. And like I said it helped me. I finished the race in the lead pack in 13th place and finished this 15k (9mile) in 27 minutes 49seconds.

I'm happy!

Am I living in a Dream World?

What am I doing?
I am so far from the starting line.... I get up everyday and do as much as I can and more, and it's still not enough! Everyday I start a workout it's like getting ready to have another child. You know the baby is miracle, that when you hold it in your arms your heart will be filled with joy beyond words. But before that you have to go through labor, birth! That is painful, long and at the time seems like it will never end.
Well I still am at the part of the pregnancy when your not showing even a lump on your belly. I am at the part when you feel green all day long and your feet are dragging and you haven't even heard your child's heart beat, and you still have that " what if " fear of losing the baby. Losing something that you desperately what to hold in your arms and love beyond words already.
It's a scary place to be in, putting yourself out to that place of total commitment, to have something that's not yours yet.
I have that desire.
It's scary.
I want it.
I'll do what I can do every day.
Tomorrow will come...